Through tears, we see
7 Truths to Bring Perspective in the Midst of Sorrow
Since the passing of our son, Jonathan, a few months ago, my wife and I have spent many hours grieving, crying, praying, and talking together.
For those of you who did not know him, Jonathan loved the outdoors and brought life, laughter, and fun conversation to any room he entered. He was kind, compassionate, and caring – always looking to include those who might feel left out. He was always ready to share a funny story, a recent movie he watched, some new music he came across, or a unique piece of trivia he had just learned. We have many great memories backpacking, camping, and hiking together. He enjoyed his work at a Silicon Valley financial firm. He loved and adored his two children, Noah and Olivia. On his 40th birthday, just two weeks before he passed away, he told us that he was ‘really looking forward to his 40s’ and felt ‘more ready for his 40s than his 20s or 30s.’ After celebrating his birthday, Lisa and I commented that he seemed incredibly settled, at peace, and others centered. Jonathan will be deeply missed!
During this season of sorrow, we have reminded ourselves of a few key ‘things we believe.’ Here are seven truths we have reminded ourselves of each day in the midst of our loss that have brought comfort, encouragement, and perspective. Whatever season you are in, I pray these seven truths will do the same for you.
This we believe
1. Joy and sorrow can exist together.
One doesn't cancel out the other. You can be grateful and grieving, hopeful and hurting, healing and still broken.
J.I. Packer said, “Christians have, so to speak, larger souls than other people; for grief and joy, like desolation and hope, or pain and peace, can coexist in their lives in a way that non-Christians know nothing about. Grief, desolation, and pain are feelings triggered by present situations, but faith produces joy, hope, and peace at all times. This does not mean that grief, desolation, and pain cease to be felt (that idea is inhuman); it means that something else is experienced alongside the hurt. It becomes possible for Christians today, like Paul long ago, to be ‘sorrowful, yet always rejoicing’ (2 Corinthians 6:10).” (1)
2. Jesus Christ—his life, death, burial, and resurrection—are the foundation of our lives and give meaning to our existence.
If Jesus didn’t rise from the dead, then nothing matters (1 Corinthians 15:17). There is no ultimate meaning, no hope of heaven. But if Jesus did rise from the dead, then it changes everything. There is transcendent hope, meaning, purpose, forgiveness, love, and ultimate justice. The main argument for why a person should believe in Christianity is Jesus himself. The late Tim Keller wrote, “Everyone will be forgotten, nothing we do will make any difference, and all good endeavors, even the best, will come to naught. Unless there is God. If the God of the Bible exists, and there is a True Reality beneath and behind this one, then this life is not the only life, then every good endeavor, even the simplest ones, pursued in response to God's calling, can matter forever.” (2)
“And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied. But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep.” (1 Corinthians 15:17-20)
3. God is our loving Father.
He has compassion for us. We are His children...His heirs. He knows the number of hairs on our head (Matthew 10:30). He bottles our tears (Psalm 56:8). He will never leave us, nor will He ever forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). God loves us with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3), nothing can separate us from his love (Romans 8:38-39), his mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:21-23), he has separated our sins as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12), and he is working out his purpose for our lives in ways we cannot even fathom now (Psalm 138:8; Philippians 1:6).
(Psalm 55:22; Psalm 56:8; Psalm 103:13,14; Isaiah 40:11; Isaiah 41:9-10; Zephaniah 3:17; Romans 5:8; Romans 8:15-17, 31-32, 38-39; Galatians 4:6,7; Ephesians 3:17-19; Hebrews 13:8).
4. God calls us to walk by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7).
Without faith, it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6). Throughout Scripture we’re always encouraged to fight against the temptation to ‘doubt in the dark what God has shown us in the light.’ In the midst of your sorrow, stay focused on taking the next step and doing the next right thing.
“Keep moving and have faith. This is when God usually works. Most of the time he does not give us the whole plan, the whole map, or even the end point. He just leads us, opening and closing doors as we go along. You won't always see the next step, but if you keep moving, it will appear.” (Dr. Henry Cloud) (3)
“Pray, even if you feel nothing, see nothing. For when you are dry, empty, sick, or weak, at such a time is your prayer most pleasing to God, even though you may find little joy in it. This is true of all believing prayer.” (Julian of Norwich) (4)
(Romans 4:20-21; Hebrews 11:1, 3, 6, 24-27)
5. Nothing comes into our lives as believers that has not first passed through the hand of God.
Everything that comes into your life has been allowed by God for your good and His glory. Because of what they are producing in us, we can welcome trials, problems, and suffering as friends. We don't have to resent them. We can rejoice when they come. Maturity will not come without problems, trials, difficulties, and suffering. God is always working everything for our good and his glory (Romans 8:28). God is never caught by surprise. God allows suffering and hardship for purposes we may never know this side of eternity. At any given moment in time, God is doing 10,000 different things, of which we are aware of (maybe) three or four. (5)
Walking through this broken, sin-cursed world, one cannot avoid the ‘big questions’ and ‘big mysteries’ of life and faith. Theodicy (the problem of evil) brings a host of natural and obvious questions to all of us, like, “Why would an all-good and all-powerful God create a world full of evil and suffering? How can there be a God if suffering and evil exist?” (6)
Theologians, scholars, and pastors have studied and debated these questions for centuries. I have an entire bookshelf dedicated to the subject. In trying to answer the question, why would an all-good God, who is also all-powerful, allow our 40-year-old son to die? God certainly had the power to stop it, but he didn’t. Why?
When Job lost all 10 of his children in an instant, he begged God for an answer to ‘why’ he was suffering all of this loss, heartache, and pain. If you read the book of Job, you see that God never gives Job an answer as to ‘why’ he allowed this. He simply waits for Job to finish expressing his grief, sorrow, and questions, and then he begins to ask Job a series of questions (Job 38), ‘Job, were you there when I flung the stars into space?’, and ‘Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundations?’
By the end of this long series of questions from God, Job stands humbled before the Lord, realizing he only sees a tiny fraction (one trillionth is being overly generous) of what God sees. God is infinite. We are finite. At the end of the day, all we have is the choice to trust God or not.
I have found that it’s natural to face huge unanswered questions and mysteries during times of deep suffering. But at the end of the day, I realize I have more real answers with my faith than without it. There are many mysteries we will never understand. God has not chosen to reveal the answers to so many of these mysteries. We choose to believe that God is both good and sovereign, and he is working everything for our good and his glory (Romans 8:28). As Spurgeon said, the sovereignty of God is a soft pillow upon which I lay my head each night. (7)
“What is chaotic to you is controlled by your Savior. What is confusing to you is understood by your Lord.”(Paul David Tripp) (8)
(Job 1:6-12; Romans 8:28; James 1:2-4; 1 Peter 1:6,7)
6. This world is not our home.
We are simply passing through. We are pilgrims here. Our citizenship is in heaven (redeemed bodies on a redeemed Earth). Live as a pilgrim. Travel light. Live as a stranger and alien. Look forward daily to ‘a better country.’ Keep your roots shallow…your tent pegs half pulled.
(John 14:1-3; Philippians 3:20; Hebrews 11:13-16; 1 Peter 2:11)
7. Giving thanks in everything and choosing a heart of gratitude
This is foundational to all true joy and happiness. In acceptance lies peace.
“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)
(1 Thessalonians 5:18; Ephesians 5:20)
In the Midst of Trials, Reading Biographies
Brings Perspective
As difficult as it is to lose a 40-year-old son, others have faced far worse. I think of the great theologian of the 17th century, John Owen. It was J. I. Packer who said, “I owe more to John Owen than any other theologian, ancient or modern.” (9) To put Owen’s life in historical and geographical context, here is a brief overview of his background:
Owen was born in England in 1616, the same year William Shakespeare died and four years before the Pilgrims set sail for New England. He was born right in the middle of what is considered the ‘great Puritan century’ (1560 – 1660). Puritanism was a spiritual movement focused on the heart and passionately concerned with God and godliness. Owen became one of the greatest pastor-theologians of this movement, which ended around the same time as his death in 1683.
Owen’s father was the pastor of a church a few miles north of Oxford. He had three brothers and a sister. At age 10, he was sent to the grammar school in Oxford, where he prepared for the university. He entered Queens College, Oxford at 12, receiving his B.A. at 16 and his M.A. three years later at 19. Owen was married to Mary Rooke from 1644 to 1675, when she died. John and Mary had 11 children, and all but one died as children. The one daughter who lived beyond childhood died as a young adult. In other words, Owen experienced the death of all eleven of his children and his wife. That’s one child born and lost on average every three years of Owen’s adult life. (10)
I cannot even begin to imagine the grieving process of burying all 11 of your children and your wife. You, as the husband and father, outlive them all. Grief, sadness, and heartache – times 12. Reading Owen’s biography reminded me that others have faced far more difficult circumstances and have come through them. And amid the grief and heartache, God was with them and continued to use them.
I think of Job. He lost all 10 of his children (seven sons and three daughters) (Job 1:2, 18-19). In the midst of his suffering, he writes, “But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. My feet have closely followed his steps; I have kept to his way without turning aside. I have not departed from the commands of his lips; I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread” (Job 23:10-12).
In my 45 years of ministry, I’ve done over 150 funerals and memorial services. At most of them, I have said, “Death for the Christian is not a ‘goodbye,’ but rather a ‘see you later.’” A few years or decades of missing a loved one is like the blink of an eye in comparison to eternity. We will be together again with our brothers and sisters in the faith. Randy Alcorn describes it this way,
“Death is like a great ocean, and we are on this shore, seeing people depart. But every ocean has two shores, and every person we see depart is seen as arriving on that other shore. Death is not the end. Just as birth was our ticket to this world, so death is our ticket to the next. It is less of an end than a beginning. If I told you today I would move you from the slums to a beautiful country estate, you would not focus on the life you were ending, but the life you were beginning.” (11)
The death of a loved one is always a good reminder for us to take stock of ‘the number of our days.’ Or to put it another way, if God gives you 80 years, you have 4,000 weeks of life here on earth. If you are 60, you only have 1,000 weeks left. How will you invest them for his glory?
“Show me, O Lord, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath.” (Psalms 39:4-5a)
And finally,
Our rest and peace come from God, and God alone. No matter what is ahead (and only he knows) (Habakkuk 3:17-19), he is our hope, our rock, and our salvation (Psalm 62:5-7). We cling to his promises (2 Peter 1:4), looking each morning for his (new) mercies (Lamentations 3:21-23), and resting in his ‘everlasting love’ (Jeremiah 31:3).
“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge.”(Psalm 62:5-7)
“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength…” (Habakkuk 3:17-19a)
Jonathan David Madson
February 12, 1985 - February 26, 2025
References
(1) Packer, J. I. (1987). Hot Tub Religion: And other thoughts on Christian living in the material world.Tyndale House Publishers.
(2) Keller, Tim (2012). Every Good Endeavor: Connecting your work to God’s work. Penguin Books.
(3) Cloud, Henry (2014). Keep moving and have faith. [Facebook status update]. Facebook. Retrieved from https://www.facebook.com/DrHenryCloud
(4) Norwich, Julian of, (2015). Revelations of Divine Love. Oxford University Press.
(5) Piper, John. (2013). God is Always Doing 10,000 Things in Your Life. Retrieved from Desiring God https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/god-is-always-doing-10000-things-in-your-life
(6) Alcorn, Randy (2014). If God Is Good: Faith in the Midst of Suffering and Evil. Multnomah Publishing.
(7) Spurgeon, Charles (1854). Divine Sovereignty. Retrieved from Spurgeon.org https://www.spurgeon.org/resource-library/sermons/divine-sovereignty/#flipbook/
(8) Tripp, Paul David (2017). What is chaotic to you is controlled by your Savior. [X status update] X (formerly Twitter). Retrieved from https://x.com/PaulTripp
(9) Packer, J. I. (1959). The Death of Death in the Death of Christ. Banner of Truth Trust.
(10) Piper, John (1994). The Chief Design of my Life: Mortification and Universal Holiness. Retrieved from Desiring God https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/the-chief-design-of-my-life-mortification-and-universal-holiness
(11) Alcorn, Randy (1992). Death: Signing and Framing your Life’s Portrait. Retrieved from Eternal Perspective Ministries https://www.epm.org/resources/1992/Sep/15/death-signing-and-framing-your-lifes-portrait/
Paul Madson, PhD, is the founder and president of Global Training Network (founded in 2004), a non-profit 501(c)3 interdenominational ministry focused on equipping and encouraging indigenous church planters, pastors, and Christian leaders throughout the majority world. GTN currently has over 200 staff members and is actively involved in 87 countries around the world. Before leading GTN, Paul spent 25 years in the pastorate – 10 years as an associate pastor, and 15 years as a Senior Pastor and church planter.
